What comes around goes around.

"and its so odd how i don't know hardly anything about your life or your friends and i'm still in love with you. maybe its just the idea of you or the memory of you. but i still hate seeing you with other guys and i hate hearing about it.. now i'm rambling."

I've always been in serious relationships. I thrive in the ability to know and let someone know me so well. Since the age of 13 Ive dated. Never less than 6 months. Never allowing myself to get attached. I always felt the need to find that diamond in the rough. Someone I could show the (MY) way to enlightenment and success and happiness. All the time, I was never happy.

I'm still trying to figure this out. I'm still trying to figure out what I want in that soul mate, if I want one at all. I've said

I Love You

countless times and now, I'm not sure I truly meant it once.

Until now.

I love Him. I honestly love him the way I can say anything, be anything, and He always believes in me. He loves me no matter what I do or think. He keeps me safe and warm and has looked after me even when I didn't give Him a second glance.

For once I'm totally in love... with Jesus Christ. And I know that sounds corny and silly, but through His love for me I'm learning how to love others around me. I'm learning what love is and how to show it in a Godly manner. Judge me if you want, but I don't think anyone can know true love until they truly accept and experience Christ's love for us.

I think I lead boys and men a like on. I think I do it for attention and I'm not going to do it anymore. Its pathetic.
I think I mistreat the ones who care about me the most. I'm not going to do it anymore. It only shows how insecure I am.
I think I've wasted time waiting for boys to grow into men. I'm not going to do it anymore. I've grown and been shown what a Godly relationship is and that isn't it.

God will send him to me.. or maybe He wont. Either way I know I'll be happy. It's such an enlightening feeling to know you don't need anyone but God. It's made me incredibly happy.

And if you re reading this and I've hurt you, I'm sorry. There's not enough words to describe how sorry I am.
And if you're reading this thinking of trying to date me, please wait. I'm not dating anyone until I'm ready. God will let me know when that is and I can tell you without talking to Him that its not now.
And if you're reading this and you've hurt me, I'm sorry. I've forgiven you and now I'm moving on. If you still care, then ask God what to do. I'm sure he'll let you know where to go from here.

I'm not worried about it any longer. I'm ecstatically happy just being me.

Beth Webb.