Today I'm feelin a real sharky vibe. Today I have so much to say and I doubt anything will make it out onto the page the way I want it to. Here goes.
I got off work at 4:45 today instead of the usual 6pm. I was exhausted. I'd had Younglife Leadership the night before and gotten home pretty late on top of staying up even later because I plan my life best at 2 am. Anyways, as soon as I sat down on my bed after work to check my emails I fell asleep. I just woke at 12:30. That's over 7 hours of sleep that isn't going to count for anything seeing as I wont be able to sleep for the rest of the night now.
I'm living the life. I'm so happy. I have everything I've ever needed. Yet on occasion that "want" kicks in. The funny thing is that I want that "want" to go away. I want to be sufficient with just me and Christ. But sometimes I just feel this want.
I told him that I didn't need him and It's true. I don't need him in my life. He's probably the last thing I need right now, I'm probably the last thing he needs right now. For some reason I want him though.
I don't need to transfer away from Chattanooga. UTC has my major and I'm sure with my job, I could work enough hours to live on my own if and when I had no home in Chattanooga anymore. But I want to. I want to submerge myself into something new, forcing me out of everything I've come to know so well.
I don't need anything. I have more than enough clothes to share with a small country. I have more shoes than would be needed for my entire college. I have enough purses to never wear the same one again. I have paintings and pictures and books. I have it all. I am what you consider the "American Dream." I have blonde hair and green/blue eyes. I have tons of friends and good ones at that.
Yet here I am, wanting.
Why? Why do I want? Of course, it is true to our human nature to "want" But do we really understand the consequences of our actions? How we are consuming the only Earth God has given us and how our actions as Christians prove to other nations that we are a material based, no obsessed culture?
I just want to want God. I don't want to want a man, or things, or a lifestyle other than one that leads others to the love and forgiveness of Christ.
Wow, I didn't think this was the direction this blog would be going. But as I sit in my room surrounded by all my "things" I cant help but think of the girls my age in Nicaragua and even in America that do without for the sake of their family or for the simple reason they need to thrive on the little money they make. Did you know that for the ecological footprint and over all average salary that America makes, we as a nation have the most people going hungry? I'm speaking of the countries among our rank and status economically.
Thousands of people going hungry. Yet we sit here lazy and full to the brim, turning the other cheek to people in need. I don't believe that is what Jesus meant by "Turn the other cheek."
Now, I'm not saying throw everything away or give all you own to the poor! But I think there comes a time when enough is enough. Look around you. What do you see? Do you need everything that surrounds you?
I think the point I'm trying to make is to simply be willing to give. Give of your time, your money, and your things; because giving makes me happy. Its my love language. When I give and don't expect to receive, God always blesses me beyond belief.
If your happy and you know it clap your hands.That's what I get for working in childcare all my life. Relating life lessons to children's songs. haha
I'm happy. Happier than I've ever been in my entire life. I want to purge this want from my system. I don't want to want anything anymore. That's obviously not going to happen over night. That's like saying, "I will never be hungry again, I give up food." That's impossible, but I'm going to try hard to start giving of my time and things much more freely as God shows me His plan.
I'm going to start my giving up 25 days of my precious summer to do His work in the mission field this coming summer. I'm more than excited. I'm literally counting down the days. I hope that if you're reading this you'll begin to see your life from a different perspective as well. Maybe you could start by giving of your time, in prayer for how God will use me this summer at the various locations around America that He has seen fit to send me.
I don't really know why you people read my blog. It's really not interesting at all and this one is so jumbled that I'm not sure if it will even be read like I intended. but if you feel lead drop me a facebook message or a text just letting me know you re praying. It would most likely mean the world to me, probably.
okay this is enough for now.
byebye.
beth.
